Centro Studi Pallai
Emotional Abuse Is Psychological Abuse
Psychological abuse, messing with your mind, is one of the most lethal forms of emotional abuse. It destroys confidence, creativity, and individuality.
When you are told you shouldn’t feel the way you feel, or you are dictated not to feel the way you feel … you are told you are too sensitive, too dramatic. You are ignored. You are judged.
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We are led to believe there is something wrong with us for feeling how we feel. People who are being physically, verbally, financially, or sexually abused are not getting their feelings about it respected, acknowledged, or validated. This is the fundamental problem with abuse—no regard for your feelings. When our feelings are not respected or acknowledged, we are being used and therefore abused over again.
Ignoring your feelings is the worst abuse there is; acting like nothing happened denies your feelings. People who have been abused are not getting their feelings and their reality respected or acknowledged. That is psychological abuse or mental torture, what you can’t put your finger on.
Abusers also attack and undermine all the things we do, but when they invalidate our feelings about it all, a person can figuratively, if not literally, drive another person crazy, which is why we feel crazy. The more sensitive you are, the more serious the damage of invalidation. Ignoring your feelings and your reality undermines self confidence because it causes self doubt; this in turn diminishes self esteem. Invalidating or ignoring your feelings is a serious violation of one’s true self. I think it is the worst crime one person can commit against another without lifting a finger against them. It is neither illegal, immoral, nor even recognized or included in the definition of domestic abuse. I think emotional abuse needs to be replaced with the word psychological abuse. That’s what it really is—mental torture breaking your spirit, no visible wounds or scars. The public in general understands domestic violence as physical abuse but does not understand the dynamics of an emotional, psychologically abusive relationship, the worst damage done is to the spirit and our minds. That takes the biggest toll on all of us, the wounds no one can see.
Psychological abuse of men and women is widely accepted and tolerated because no one understands what is going on, including the victims. Isn’t it time for a more clear definition of domestic abuse? Physical abuse is horrible, but the body will heal; the other psychological abuse is “soul murder,” a crime against humanity, but it is not against the law or a crime in our courts. Ignoring or invalidating your feelings is psychological abuse. They tell you what to do and what a bad job you do of it, but don’t let anyone ever dictate how you are supposed to feel about it. Abusers do not have empathy or feelings; don’t believe them—trust your feelings and your reality always, not theirs. If you feel invalidated, mocked, or judged when you talk about your feelings and your reality, they have no respect for you. They don’t care about you, your feelings, or about reality; they are trying to change and control you, that is psychological abuse.
Self esteem primarily depends on our feelings about ourselves, but it is bolstered when we are surrounded by those with whom we feel, appreciated, admired, loved, supported, respected, valued, and understood, especially from someone who is supposed to love you (your partner). It is psychological abuse to withhold all of that from you and then ignore the pain and suffering it causes you—your feelings. Knowledge and information is power; the more we understand about all the types of abuse, we realize abusers are damaged people—not us. Everyone needs to know that almost all abusers can not be helped or fixed. Try if you want, but don’t spend a life time trying; set a time limit. Denying your reality and you feelings, acting like nothing happened is psychological abuse, worse than the actual abuse that occurred. Some things I have read and learned as I work at trying to understand myself: abusers and how this happens to so many of us. Please understand, abusers are very damaged people, you can’t fix them, they would abuse anyone they were close to. It is not you.