Date Like A Man: 10 Tips I’ve Learned from My Boys

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Let's just face it - men and women date differently. From the ways we operate to the motives behind our actions. I think this is what causes so much of the disconnect. Over the years, I have had several conversations with the men in my life on their beliefs and behaviors in regards to dating. They have given me some great advice. Below is a compilation of tips for any woman looking to “date more like a man.”

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How many times have you heard a man say, "She's not that great, but I'm gonna work on her until she’s wife material?” Almost never.

Just because he asked doesn’t mean that you have to go. And if you go out with him and it’s obvious that he’s not the one, don’t force it or stick it out just because he wants to continue dating you or you think you can change him. So many of us carry this notion of “creating the perfect husband.” We should never let our fear of being alone force us into unfulfilling or unhealthy relationships. Know what you want, don’t settle for less and if you are brave, go after it.

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When it comes to dating, most men act like their names are Akeem and they're "Coming to America" to sow their royal oats.

As women, we shouldn’t be afraid to date multiple partners. First, let me be clear that I said date and not “sleep with." If you choose to go further in your relationships, that is your choice. What I am advocating is that you leave your options open. Don’t just meet one person and put all of your eggs in that one basket. Meeting the right person sometimes requires that you get out, meet and date multiple people.

Men typically date in stages, which is why it may take months for you to get the "coveted title."

Unfortunately, women sometimes go full throttle, wanting it all (commitment, relationship, title) overnight. Relax and pump your breaks. Get to know the man, let the natural process of making a new friend take place. All relationships are built in stages and have to go through proper phases and this takes time. Rushing the process can end a relationship before it even has a chance to really start.

Attractive and eligible men aren’t thirsty.

The late Amy Winehouse referenced the girl at the club who's wearing the f-me pumps and just looking to get picked up or pick someone up. Don’t be that girl. Don’t make your sole purpose for socializing be the pursuit of men. Oftentimes, it is more important and effective to just go out and have a good time. Meet people (men and women) that you can engage in constructive conversations, have some laughs and go home - alone and numberless. Social interaction, whether it be with friends or strangers, teaches us how to communicate and exposes us to new and interesting experiences. Enjoy this part of life. Men will come (and go). So fill your single time with periods of growth and exploration, not hunting and fishing.

Just because he didn’t ask you to stay over tonight doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you anymore. It may just mean that he needs time and space to do him.

A relationship consists of two independent people, making the choice to be together based on common histories, interests, and goals. Once you’ve built your own life and have made the choice to include someone else in it, maintain your own identity. Despite our culture’s obsession with coupledom (see Bennifer, Tomcat and, the latest combo-couple, Kimye), you are still two separate people. And more importantly, do not lose yourself, or lose touch with, the woman he fell for. Relationships require compromise but a woman must not compromise herself, especially not in the early stages. Stay you, love you and eventually, he will love you too.

You know you’ve been dumped because he disappears.

Unfortunately, we often have a hard time letting go, when it’s over. We give second, third and tenth chances to men that should have never received our numbers in the first place. Then we rebound with them whenever we get lonely or an “itch.” This is a major mistake. Don’t wait for “closure." Just move on. Change your number, erase his or block him. Do whatever you need to do to move on. Living in the past will only keep you there.

Men have no problem putting themselves first.

As women, we often give too much, too soon. And I don’t mean only in the physical sense. We give up too soon our time, emotions and energy. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean that your life revolves around him. In fact, it doesn’t even mean that he gets consideration when it comes to your decision making, especially if you are still in the “dating” phase. Until he is your fiancé or there are true signs (and conversations) that dictate that this is soon to come, your life is your life and your needs and wants come first.

Any man will tell you, it’s all about timing.

Most make sure they are truly ready (financially, career-wise, emotionally, etc.) before settling down. Anyone that knows me or has been reading me for a while knows that I am a major advocate for taking time to discover yourself and pursue your dreams before pursuing a relationship. I truly believe that until you know yourself and what you want and are on the path to getting it, you are not ready for a relationship. Relationships require energy and can be very emotionally trying, therefore, if you are in the mix of a major change, discovery or healing, maybe you should postpone dating until things have stabilized. Dedicate this time to you. You may not have another opportunity to do so.

Most men place women into categories, potential wives and girls to have fun with. It’s unfair, but it’s true.

Sometimes, we meet people and after a few weeks, days or minutes, we discover that this person is not someone that we can or will build a long-term relationship with. This is fine. Not every man you meet has marriage potential. But, if he was cool enough for you to agree to hang out with, maybe he’s good friend material. If this is the case, then keep him as just that - a friend. Be honest about your intentions, or lack thereof, and keep the barriers in place. Enjoy his company.

I hate to admit it, but men typically use logic whereas a lot of women let emotions guide their actions.

Many of us repeatedly disregard truth, facts and the obvious just for the sake of meeting or keeping a man. If you know that you are ready for marriage and it is clear that he may never be, walk away. Don’t stay because it feels good at the moment. Let your heart guide you, but let your brain make the final decision.

Do you think these tips can go a long way? What are your thoughts on how women can be more empowered in their relationships?

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